Gavin de Becker is a famed security consultant and author. His best known book is The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence. From his 2016 interview with Lena Dunham:LD: What you've said, both in the book and in my communications with you about my experiences with stalkers, was, "Do not give this person anything. Do not give them the sound of your voice." These people, unwanted pursuers, they receive all communication in some way as positive communication. I think so many women have an ex-boyfriend who won't leave them alone for six months, and they think they can bargain their way out. Your approach seems to be just to slice it off, right?--Marshal Zeringue
GDB: Yeah. Slice it off sounds like you're talking about slicing off a guy's dick, so …
LD: You'll rephrase it slightly.
GDB: You handle it however you want. I'm the last guy to say, "Don't slice off a guy's dick," by the way. Anyway, yeah, you end it completely. The way I have found most effective in teaching on this subject is this: that that person rejoins the stranger pool. There's another 300 million Americans out there that you have no relationship with and they're not asking for one. This one you've specifically said you don't want a relationship with, so he has less business in your life than the other 300 million people. If you don't want a relationship, then he's a stranger. He becomes a stranger again, and that is your right. It is your right to decide who is in your life and who's not in your life. The moment he doesn't listen, and the moment he persists, and the moment he stays with it, that ought to empower you to recognize how right you were in your decision.
You know, men, young men in particular, they need very explicit communication. For example, if you'd say to a young man, "My head's just not in the right place for a relationship right now," he only hears...[read on]