Joan Sewell

Joan Sewell is the author of I'd Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido.

From a Q & A at her website:

The title of your book implies that you'd rather eat chocolate than have sex. Don't you like sex?

Of course I like sex. There's a misconception floating around on the Web that because I prefer eating chocolate to having sex, then I must loathe sex. But the truth is I don't loathe or hate sex at all. Actually, I say in the book on page 83 that I have sexual fantasies, on page 61 that I sometimes masturbate, on page 188 that I enjoy intercourse on occasion, and on page 20 that I can orgasm.. And another thing I don't mind is giving oral sex—well as long as it doesn't take forever. So, just because I'd rather eat chocolate, that doesn't mean at all that I don't like sex.

You seem to imply that preferring to eat chocolate over having sex is like preferring to eat ice cream over going for a swim or preferring to watch TV over playing a game. But don't you ever get aroused to the point that you want sex over anything else?

I don't mean to make a misleading comparison, but yes, my sexual desire does spike a few times a month, and at those times I do want sex for its own sake. On some of those occasions I want sex with my husband. But on most of those occasions I'd still rather just have a sexual fantasy and release the tension by bowing my own violin rather than take the time and effort to involve an actual partner. Unlike men, the mere thought of anticipating sex doesn't fill me with desire. In contrast, if I walk by a display case of earrings in the mall, I'm attracted to it like a magnet. The mere suggestion of sex doesn't work on me like that. For me, sex is just a lot lower preference or priority, even when I've had really good sex with Kip.

Read the complete Q & A.

--Marshal Zeringue